now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
