exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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