Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
