Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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