TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
