I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
