just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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