I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
