Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
