There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
