Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
