Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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