Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
