just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
do nipples grow back?
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