There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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