hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
