I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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