He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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