I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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