omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This house was built for laser tag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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