That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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