I CAN MOONWALK!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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