i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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