I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry about my life...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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