i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
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