Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
