I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
