Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
