no, he came in my armpit
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Shame - the story of my life.
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