put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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