I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
