Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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