i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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