i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
