My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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