If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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