Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
