Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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