I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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