Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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