I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
