Yo dont text me then not text me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
