I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
