dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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