Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
