I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
