Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
