My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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