I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
