ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
