definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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