I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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