I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
