Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize