I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
