I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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