wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
