Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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