i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
