thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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