My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
