I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
