i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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