i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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