Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
