Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
A+ Viking dick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
