the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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