that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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