Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
