I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She bit a glass in half.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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