Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
