I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
