My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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