dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
