he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
