Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
