Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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