Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
