So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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