soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
