his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
