I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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