10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did I show you my penis last night?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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