The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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