never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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